Originally Posted at HJNews (https://www.hjnews.com/news/community/these-are-humans-into-light-project-aims-to-humanize-those-lost-to-substance-use-disorders/article_ec28ada3-dd15-40f7-808d-c2cf188d82de.html)
In the midst of enduring 14 years of a substance use disorder, Michelle “Shelly” Harris sat on the edge of her bed and contemplated suicide.
This was where the progression of her illness had brought her – to questioning whether or not life was worth living anymore. A question she remembers wrestling with as her three children played in the other room, mere feet away.
First introduced to alcohol at the age of 13 by her own father, Harris explained her thirst for more – the most dangerous characteristic of substance use disorder.
“After one drink, I realized, ‘I love this feeling,’” Harris said.
Growing up afraid of her father, Harris never learned how to not be afraid, until she drank for the first time.
“So I took his big gallon of vodka out of the freezer and I filled one of those tupperware glasses, and I hid it in the back of the fridge,” she continued.
After her father found the hidden glass, tucked away in the back of the fridge, he requested she drink the entire glass, a decision she then viewed as a punishment to keep her away from alcohol.
“I slammed it on the counter in front of him and I said, ‘Are you happy,’ and he said, ‘Yeah, but you won’t be,’ and I just ran for the bathroom,” Harris recalled. “Woke up with my stepmom above me cleaning me off; I was a mess.
“But I couldn’t wait to do that again.”
And she did.
Harris spent the next 14 years of her life battling her active addiction to alcohol, and later, a myriad of other substances.
While the epiphany, as Harris called it, came to her as she sat on the edge of bed – a mere twitch of a muscle away from ending her own life – was not the end of Harris’ substance use disorder, it set her on a path to recovery.
Having maintained her recovery for 28-plus years, Harris chose to devote her life to advocating for victims of the illness that is substance use disorder.
Among those victims are Justin Brown, Harris’ stepson; Kim Hefner, her sister; Virgil Harris, her brother-in-law; Sharon LemMon, her aunt; and Kenny Mobley, a close family friend.
The only difference between Harris’ story and theirs?
Harris survived her battle with substance use disorder.
With all five losing their lives after Harris’ initial recovery date and Harris being no stranger to the illness, Harris now spends most of her time working with organizations such as the Into Light Project.
After Into Light Project Founder Theresa Clower lost her 32-year-old son, Devin Bearden, to an accidental drug overdose, she rediscovered her love for drawing.
When her daughter suggested she begin by drawing a portrait of Bearden, Clower hesitantly did so, ultimately producing the first entry of the Into Light Project exhibit, though she didn’t know it at the time.
In the time since her drawing’s completion, Clower and her team have expanded the Into Light Project to a traveling art exhibit where they solicit submissions from those who have lost a loved one to addiction.
All five of Harris’ loved ones were part of the Into Light Project’s Utah exhibit, the 19th state visited by the project.
Prior to the exhibit’s unveiling at Utah State University’s Nora Eccles Harrison Museum of Art Saturday evening, Harris worked with Clower’s team of artists and writers to produce a hand-drawn, graphite portrait, and a written memento of each person.
The five were joined by 10 other Utah submissions, well short of what Clower and Harris hoped the State of Utah would produce, and by far the fewest submissions the exhibit has seen.
Clower, who first spoke with The Herald Journal in March, believes Utah is behind the curve, regarding erasing the stigma surrounding substance use disorder, and Harris agrees.
“Everybody knows someone that’s using, right?” Harris began. “We need to get it to where people look at it as if – if (someone) had cancer (they) would go and get help with that, right? And get it treated.
“We need people to look at addiction the same way – that if they have that disease, they should go and get help where they can get it treated, not be ashamed of it or hide it or not want to talk about it, because it’s fatal too.”
According to the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics, nearly one million people died from drug overdoses in the United States between 1999 and 2021, a statistic which excluded other forms of addiction.
Reiterating how common the disease is, Harris said it can be anyone.
“One day you’re taking them to T-ball and the next you’re visiting their grave,” Harris sniffled. “And I really know way more than 40 that have (overdosed) in Utah, so many more.”
Just as the Into Light Project aims to humanize those who have lost their battles with addiction, Harris urges others to do the same and to not be afraid to talk about it, especially in Utah, regardless of how difficult the discussion will inevitably become.
“These are humans, that was our child, that’s not a junkie,” Harris said. “I’m a human, I’m their mother, I’m not a junkie. You need to see these people as humans and not just the label of “addicts.” And if you’re going to see them as the label of “addicts,” you need to see it as a disease of addiction.”
The Into Light Project at NEHMA will be on display through Nov. 29 and Clower plans to take the exhibit to each and every state. To view the exhibit electronically, visit intolightproject.org/exhibits/.
“We’re all in this – in that, we can all take a part in helping to break that stigma,” Clower said.
