Loving, kindness, happiness, loss, death…..
Jessie was a loving person with a contagious laugh, great imagination, and an infectious sense of humor. She danced since the age of four, played in a flute symphony in high school, and was a fantastic artist. She had the opportunity to travel to New York City to see the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall and received a backstage tour, a real treat for someone who loved dance.
Jessie’s addiction started in her late teenage years. When she started using drugs, “she lost interest in everything. I didn’t know who my daughter was while she was using,” Christine stated. Jessie once had a goal of becoming a hairdresser and tried to get sober to make a life for herself. She was in and out of treatment centers, but relapsed soon afterward. She was could not hold a job and lost her close friends. Reading over Jessica’s notes from her time in treatment, Christine discovered that Jessica was knowledgeable about addiction and how to maintain sobriety by reading her treatment notes. She knew what to do, and could not follow through to help herself.
Instead of dwelling on Jessie’s addiction, Christine chooses to cherish memories, such as a trip to Disney World when Jessie was eleven-one of their favorite vacations. They also had a great trip to Niagara Falls, and fun times camping in Vermont and New Hampshire.
“Jessie was setting herself up for death,” her mom said. “Watching her abuse herself day by day, never knowing if she was dead or in prison, was so hard.” She was living a hard life in Boston, engaging in prostitution, and she was kidnapped at one point. Her mom asked her many times to come home where she could support her in getting help, but Jessie refused.
“To be a parent of a child that passed from substance use disorder was the hardest thing to have to live through,” Christine said. It felt like a knife went through her heart when the police come to her door at 5:30AM on a Sunday morning to tell her Jessie was deceased. The toxicology report showed she died from fentanyl poisoning.
Christine is now a grief facilitator and Peer Grief Ally, roles that have helped her through the loss of her only child. She believes it’s important for us to stop using the term “addict” when referring to those with addiction and to have open conversations about drug addiction and mental illness. Jessie was one of kind she just couldn’t overcome this terrible disease.
Jessica’s mother, Christine Santos, provided the information for this narrative.
September 10, 1980-February 3, 2018-Age 37
Portrait Artist: Shawn Faust
Narrative Writer: Barbara Francois
